Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Robert Frost
Crash and Burn
My friends and family know that I am a "can do" kind of woman, an ethic instilled in me by my grandmother whose favorite adage was, "There is no such word as can't". But while Grandma's wisdom has served me well throughout my life, it has its down side. Because when it comes to taking on any opportunity that comes my way, my ready response echoes the Obama campaign of 2008: "Yes I can!"
Now, this spirit of can-doism is a useful tool most of the time. But when opportunities abound, it can get out of hand. Take 2012 as a prime example. I was enrolled in graduate school full-time, working a full-time job as fitness director of a retirement community, and free-lancing it as a curriculum developer for a national corporation. Add to that trips to Wisconsin to help my aging mother remain in her home. Oh, and did I mention that my daughter moved to England and gave birth to her second child, and that my son had a big white wedding in Seattle, clear across the country from my home in Virginia? To keep myself "balanced", I finished writing a 400 page novel!
Was I a tad stressed out? A bit overwhelmed? Hell, no! I was flat-out crazy, a basket case of gargantuan proportions. I didn't know if I was coming or going, didn't have time for anybody who mattered, didn't even have time to transfer funds from savings to checking for my trip to Seattle. As mother of the groom, I bought a dress that I hated on the fly because I didn't have time to shop, totally drew a blank on the shower gift and ended up buying a lame food processor, and showed up late for the bridal shower because I was busy meeting a deadline for my free-lance job.
Crash and burn. It is the story of my life. I bite off more than I can chew, and then choke on it. But this time, it did me in to the point where I had to slam on the brakes. After peeling my face off the windshield, I have resolved to take some time off to find my center again, and to redefine who I am. I have put my ambition on the back burner to resurrect my childhood dreams and restore my sanity. It is a journey, a spiritual quest of sorts, to get to know me again, post-divorce, post-kids, and post-crazy.
My ultimate goal is to find a sustainable lifestyle that allows me to live well, with plenty of time to smell the roses. Can I do it? Yes I can!
No comments:
Post a Comment